


leaving breadcrumb trails to help us find our way back from catastrophe

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: hold my hand (i can hear the ghost calling) [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Avengers Tower, BAMF Sam Wilson, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Disabled Character, Fix-It, Interracial Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Not Steve Friendly, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Esteem Issues, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2017-10-30
Packaged: 2019-01-08 19:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12260508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Steve hurting Tony is nothing worse than what Tony went through in Afghanistan, and Afghanistan had been necessary for Tony to realize the complete dick he’d been.So maybe what Steve did was something Tony deserved. After all, he did start the fight. Steve was only defending Bucky, right?-It takes Tony awhile to realize that what Steve did has no justification. This requires everything short of a slap to the face from all of the Avengers, especially his husband, but in the end it gets through.





	leaving breadcrumb trails to help us find our way back from catastrophe

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Shine" by Shane Koyczan.  
> Based off of prompt listed in end notes.

Tony Stark knows he’s privileged. He’s white, he comes from money, he’s a genius. He knows that when he slept around for twenty years, he was painted as a playboy instead of a slut because he’s a guy, and guys _can’t_ be sluts. Even the fact that he’s bi doesn’t make much of a difference.

Sam, on the other hand, has had little to none of the privileges that Tony has. As a black, gay, disabled man, life has shat on him over and over. He has clawed his way out of every valley, inch by painful inch, until he reached somewhere he could be happy again.

Tony respects the hell out of his husband and everything that his husband has had to go through. For Sam to make it out of the not-so-great circumstances of his childhood, to make it through the Army, to make it through Afghan hell, through Riley’s death and his own handicap, is amazing in ways that Tony can’t quite articulate.

Tony's privileged, he's smart; he doesn't deserve any more cuts in his favor. Steve hurting Tony is nothing worse than what Tony went through in Afghanistan, and Afghanistan had been necessary for Tony to realize the complete dick he’d been.

So maybe what Steve did was something Tony deserved. After all, he  _did_ start the fight. Steve was only defending Bucky, right?

-

It takes Tony awhile to realize that what Steve did has no justification. This requires everything short of a slap to the face from all of the Avengers, especially his husband, but in the end it gets through.

-

_When Steve goes after Bucky, Sam does not go. He stays in Sokovia with Tony, Clint, Natasha to try and work things out and repair his half-vaporized leg._

_He ends up taking a plane ride home with the team, and Tony, Natasha, Clint, and him all talk about his nieces. This is safe. This is comfortable. This is not bombs and vanishing teammates and visions of dead husbands._

_Tony sits next to Sam and entwines their fingers as they talk. Sometimes simple physical touch is enough to make him feel better._

- 

Tony is fully willing to share the Tower with Steve and Bucky when they return. Sure, he may still flinch whenever Steve goes by (Bucky is different from Steve. When Bucky fought Tony, he was the murderer of Tony’s parents. Bucky is not that any longer. When Steve fought Tony, he was the teammate, the _friend_ , who betrayed Tony. Steve is still that. Tony doesn’t know if Steve will ever _not_ be that), but the Avengers Tower is large, and the team needs Steve. He’s Captain America, the leader of the Avengers.

So life goes on, and Tony lives.

- 

“He’s a bully,” Sam says to Natasha during a sparring match. She is, as always, winning, but the gap by which she kicks his ass lessens with every bout. "He doesn't care about hurting Tony, his friend and teammate. He only cares about doing what _he_ thinks is right."

Natasha raises an eyebrow. "I'm not saying that you don't have some point, but perhaps you're taking it too far. Tony  _is_ your husband, after all. You're not exactly objective. Steve _did_ grow up in a very morally black and white environment. He hasn't really been exposed to the idea of grey morality."

Sam nods. "I'll accept that analysis," he says, "Even if I'm certain I'm right."

"Good," Natasha says, satisfied. Then, a few moments of sparring later, she adds: "I _do_ have to note, though, that what he did to Tony is horrible and it's very hard to justify doing that to an acquaintance, much less a teammate."

"And besides," Sam says, landing another punch, "It's not my job to be objective when it comes to Tony. I'm his husband. I'll always be on his side."

Natasha smiles. "I'm glad."

And lands a right hook that nails him to the ground.

-

“You believed a HYDRA agent?" Clint asks Steve, nose wrinkling. Him, Cap, Wanda, Pietro, and Vision are eating dinner, the rest of the team off sound whatever. Clint ardently wonders where Tasha is, and if she'll be up to visiting Laura and their kids tomorrow.

(Okay, he's not _really_ wondering if she'll be up to it, 'cause she always is. Their lover- his wife- and their children are the lights of their lives. It's always a relief to return to the house on the farm, especially after large missions like Sekovia.)

Steve stares him back, defiance in his eyes. "It made sense. Tony built Ultron and nearly destroyed the world-"

“Excuse _you_ , Steve. Maybe I need to spell this in terms you’ll understand. Tony was experiencing Wanda’s visions when he built Ultron.”

The red-haired girl nods. “I am sorry, but is true. I showed him nightmare of dark future. Is not his fault.”

Vision nods slowly. "I think I do concur with Miss Maximoff and Mister Barton, Captain Rogers."

Steve takes a bite of his steak. "Okay, I get it. Tony had some bad nightmares. But at the time all I knew was that he had built Ultron, and that he had attacked Bucky. That's two good reasons to stop him."

Clint can only stare, speechless for the first time in his life.

-

To Tony’s complete disbelief, the Avengers do start to freeze Steve out. They start questioning his leadership, start not trusting everything he says. It's nothing short of a minor miracle considering the way they used to listen to him like his word was God (And Tony, despite their squabbling, was also guilty of this).

When Tony brings this up, his husband is smug.

“Of course they're questioning him,” Sam says, “If he could be so callous as to beat up a teammate and then leave him in a cave in Siberia, then something is seriously wrong with his leadership skills and his idea of collateral damage.”

Tony can't argue with that.

-

“How could you _do_ something like that?” Tony overhears Bucky saying one day. Tony’s brows knit together in confusion. The Wonder Twins never argue.

“Tony was beating you up, Buck. I couldn't leave you defenseless-”

“Steve, I have _super strength_ . _And_ a bionic arm. And ‘sides, I kind of deserved it. Tony, on the other hand, he’s brilliant, he’s got the suit and all, but he can’t withstand the same blows we can. And even _if_ he could, no one deserves a shield through the chest. That was _our_ fight, Steve. You had no right to join in.”

“He could have _hurt_ you, Buck.”

“Fuck off, Steve- you've gotta know better than that.”

 -

That night, Sam and Tony are eating their usual midnight snack (Tonight is Tuesday, so it's Sam's turn to make chili. Tomorrow Tony will bake the cookies Jarvis' wife Anna used to make for him.) when Sam speaks up.

"Tones," Sam says. Tony glances up from the designs for a solar-powered water filtration system that he was working on. “I want Steve out of the tower.”

Tony raises an eyebrow. “Why? We've all made peace with him. I may not be entirely comfortable with him, but he's our leader. He's the face of the Avengers. We need him."

“Vision?” Sam asks, and the aforementioned android phases through the wall.

“Yes, Mister Wilson?” He asks, dipping his head in a slight polite nod.

“Do you think that Steve makes an effective leader for this team?”

“Captain Rogers is unknowledgeable about current politics and technology, prone to split-second decisions without thought to their ramifications, and, quite frankly, rather reckless. He also has a tendency to see himself as righteous, and anyone who disagrees with him as not necessarily evil but at least wrong, and that is potentially problematic. He also has betrayed his teammate and is now actively untrustworthy."

"And it's not just that, Mister Stark," Vision says. "A number of Avengers have been speaking as to the fact that they want him out because he makes you uncomfortable in your own home, and that is something that none of them want for you."

Tony's mouth levers open and shut, almost like a broken puppet's.

"See?" Sam says, and takes Tony's hand. "We all support you. It's up to you what you do, but just know that we're on your side."

Tony swallows. "Thank you," he says, voice cracked.

"No need," Sam says, "You deserve all the love and support in the world."

-

Despite all of the Avengers being on board with the idea, Tony won’t force anyone out onto the streets, especially someone who’s home is seven decades in the past.

No one deserves to feel like their home is a place where they don’t belong.

-

The deciding factor in this argument doesn’t end up being Sam. It doesn’t end up being Bruce, or Thor, or even Natasha. It ends up being Fury, of all people. 

“Ultron was _my_ fault,” Tony says, arguing with the commander of SHIELD (well, what remains of it). “I deserve to be punished for that.”

Fury snorts. “Ultron, your fault? Yeah, you were fuckin fool enough to believe the Witch’s visions and build that AI, but Ultron never would have come to life if it hadn’t been for Thor’s lightning.”

Tony’s mouth goes dry. “ _What_?”

“You must have a pretty fucking strong masochistic complex if you didn’t realize that,” Fury says. “We did the research as soon as we could. It wasn't all your fault, you motherfucking dunce."

-

Tony sets Steve up with an apartment, a trust fund, a therapist, and access to SHIELD and all the friends who still want to talk to him.

He doesn't allow him back into the Tower, though. For Tony's mental health and for the sake of the team.

They need this.

-

Tony Stark doesn't deserve to get betrayed and beaten up by a friend and left for dead. Nobody does.

Tony has to learn a lot of things like this, but as long as he has his husband, his family, and his team, he thinks he'll make it through.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:  
> I want to see the next story where the Avengers all work on putting Bucky back together, but vote Steve is out of the tower until he can figure out what he did wrong and know how to apologize for his actions and maybe even longer than that. I want Bucky to realize what Steve has done and give him hell for it. Tell Steve that he isn't the Steve that he remembers.
> 
> In other words, I want the reverse of CACW, where this time everyone is on Tony's side. Especially after, Sam told everyone what Wanda did to Tony. That everyone listens to Bruce that the code wasn't finished. That Fury goes we did the research and if Thor's lightening hadn't struck the building, Ultron wouldn't be alive and what's this with Steve believing a Hydra agent over a teammate - enough to throw his fucking Frisbee at him? And Thor apologizing because Jane gave him hell about the holding someone by the throat.
> 
> Yeah. That would be nice. Especially since Tony gives until his heart bleeds and some people can't see it. Stupid MCU, who apparently has something against smart people and feels we should praise the idiots who only know how to be a bully.


End file.
